Born Hairy Goes Better Than Expected: The Event… Not The Golf.

LAS VEGAS, NV – Whelp, we did a thing again and it turned out kinda awesome. At this point, the constant one-upping of the previous year’s MGAWC has become one of the great mysteries of the universe. Neither science nor any dumb algorithm can explain it. It appears it’s just a naturally occurring byproduct from a growing number of mediocre golfers gathering in the desert, trying to find out who is the best of the kinda alright. We’re cool with that. The world needs more mystery.

We miss you Mystery! Hey reader, I’d ask you to sign my petition to get that show back on the air but you’re probably too dumb to figure out how to do it. #youjustgotnegged #youwantmenow

There were some early signs that this year might once again out-do the last. The previous year’s MGAWC sold out, but it was over the course of three and a half months. So when registration opened for this year’s WC, after ample warnings of the likelihood of another sellout, we thought we had a good chance to beat the three and a half month mark. Turned out we were right…

The moment El Presidente opened registration on July 10th his email went berserk. There was chime after chime as medios around the world grabbed a coveted spot in the MGA World Championship. No more than four hours later, all 280 spots at Revere were filled and El Presidente started getting desperate messages from medios who were late to the party. You know, because they were “working”.

El Presidente knew something had to be done so that every medio who wanted to go to Vegas could still make the trip and have somewhere awesome to play. He scrambled to come up with a solution.

For those of you who don’t follow golf – which is probably a record percentage amongst people who actually belong to a golf association –  the developmental tour for the PGA Tour was rechristened the Korn Ferry Tour this year, conclusively proving us wrong that the Tour was the stupidest possible name for a golf tour. While it was going to be tough to one-up the ridiculousness of the name Korn Ferry, we decided to give it our best shot. After running through a few different options, Born Hairy was thrust into the universe and the brainstorming came to an abrupt halt.

The players who would come to Vegas to compete in the Born Hairy were either Ineligible or Unqualified for the MGAWC and thus would not be fighting for The Belt in 2019. But now, in the same way the Korn Ferry Tour awards spots on the PGA Tour for the following season, our Born Hairy competitors would be playing for a coveted “Special Sixteen” spot. If they finished in the top 16 at the Born Hairy Tour Championship, they would become one of the first players with Qualified status for MGAWC20!

To make sure the Hairys had just as much fun as the WCers, El Presidente asked Revere for recommendations on comparable courses in the area. Revere recommended one course quite close to theirs, but it was fuckin expensive, so obviously it was ruled out immediately.

They then recommended Chimera, which was a half hour away and supposedly played a little easier than Revere. They said it was always in great condition and a very fun course to play. It sounded great, so El Presidente called them up and managed to get it somewhat kinda close to the price he needed.

The number of competitors in the Born Hairy fluctuated during the registration process, peaking at over 100 but eventually settling in at 60 for the inaugural event. Those bold and intrepid medios were trailblazers of the new format and deserve some kind of “get-it-ness” award. Their attendance and enjoyment of the event proved that the Born Hairy has its place in the MGA and will be the new Vegas format for the foreseeable future.

The Hairys raved about the course (which we hope to return to next year) and absolutely freaked out about their golf carts. DFW’s Brad Roberts, who finished T-3rd said, “The course was perfect, and the carts were probably the coolest I’ve ever seen with built-in satellite radio and integrated sound system.”

We also got extremely lucky this year and had perfect weather both rounds. In spite of that, some players probably enjoyed the course one day more than the other. For instance, it’s fair to assume that San Francisco’s Chad Nessi was amongst them after shooting a 91 in round one, only to meltdown by 15 strokes in round two. His R2 106 took him from 6th place all the way out of the Special Sixteen and into 20th place. Perhaps the only silver lining was that his meltdown was large enough to earn him the Meltdown Award and get him a round of applause from his peers.

A few players, not many, but a couple, were able to hold it together from day one to day two; perhaps finding the ideal level of intoxication at which to achieve perfect mediocrity. Chief among them was the most mediocre player in the field, Skyler Zadow. She finished tied for 28th with a 205, but her consistency while shooting 101/104 was the difference maker that won her the prestigious Most Mediocre award.

The Born Hairy featured a melting pot of mediocre golfers. There were medios with handicaps of 30 playing alongside some die-hards with 7 or more penalty strokes. One of these die-hards was DFW’s Tony Mullins, who finished the year in 30th on his Chapter Money List. His 7 penalty strokes managed to put him in his place once again (shame on you and your talent at golf sir), landing him in 8th place at the Born Hairy.

“The two groups I was put with were absolutely awesome to play with,” Mullins said. “I will definitely be there next year and look forward to wearing the belt!”

So even though he didn’t win this year, he did walk away with a coveted spot in the Special Sixteen AND took home the Gross Award after rounds of 87 and 83.

Speaking of the Special Sixteen, here is the historic first graduating class in its entirety! (It actually ended up being 19 thanks to a big nasty five-way tie for 15th).

T-15 @ 195

SF’s Andrew Murray

South OC’s Brian Owens

San Diego’s Jesse Carlson

DFW’s Joseph Sisco

North Dallas’s’s Jarred Griffin

14th @ 194

DFW’s Ryan Riviello

T10th @ 193

North Dallas’s’s’ Alex Schaer

LA’s J Scavo

RENO!’s Doug Bookey

Las Vegas’s’s Dustin Burns

9th @ 192

North Dallas’s’s’s Brian Carey

8th @ 190

DFW’s Tony Mullins

7th @ 189

West Valley’s Jimmy Fulton

6th @ 188

West Valley’s Steve Weaver

5th @ 186

Seriously? West Valley again?! Mr. Bob Mooney

T3rd @ 185

DFW’s Brad Roberts (89/96)

West Valley’s Dave “Hitman” Blythe (90/95)

2nd @ 182

Knoxville’s Korey Whitlock (89/93)

The inaugural Born Hairy Champ definitely has game and will no doubt be a threat to win it all at MGAWC20. In fact, Jeff Cool (seen above wearing the Golden Mullet) is a poster child for why we created the “5 Career Event Minimum” rule for MGAWC eligibility this year.

Cool was an MGA rookie this season who only made it to four events. We feel like 5 career events are necessary to make sure a player’s handicap is right. Well Mr. Cool accepted his fate with no complaints, showed up to the Born Hairy and shot four beautifully mediocre nines of 44, 44, 45 and 43 to take make history with a dominant win. With scores like that, we feel kinda good about his handicap of 17.2 and one penalty stroke. But we know nobody cares what we think, so we reached out to Cool to see how he felt about it.

“The course was exceptional and the group of golfers the same,” Cool said. “It’s an honor to be associated with this group of guys and gals.”

High praise from a man who must have been high when he said it; because “exceptional” is not a word often associated with the golfers in the MGA. But hey, we’ll take it when we can get it. See you at Revere next year Champ!

Full Results

So yea, we can’t be happier with how the Born Hairy panned out and a huge part of its success was because of Toby Olsen and his small team of volunteers. For those of you who don’t know, Toby is the Orange County Chapter Leader and was on the fence about coming this year due to some injuries he picked up fighting a grizzly bear (we assume). This worked out perfectly for us, because he had helped us out with the WC in the past and was the first person who came to mind when we knew we needed a mini-El Presidente to run the show at the BH. To make sure he exhibited all the proper characteristics of El Presidente, we placed El Presidente’s mom, sister and aunt at the course as his volunteer staff. They absolutely killed it and we can’t thank them enough. Bring on 2020!